“You go to the cinema every day“, the receptionist jokes as we head out for another movie. It’s our second day in a row. We haven’t done any sightseeing or real exploring for some time; it’s exhausting and just temple after temple after beach after fort. Our days are empty and boring, so we go to see Noah in 3D starring Russell Crowe. What a piece of shit that is.
Before the movie, we go to an australian restaurant and get day drunk. I have a burger. I’m insanely full. But then, we walk by all those little shops that have smoothies and milkshakes, and they have the oreoshake that I’ve been craving for a while. In my belly it goes, and I think my belly’s gonna pop. Then we’re at the cinema: popcorn time! I have no self restraint.
The cinema is located in a busy shopping mall, and everywhere you look, a white, fat and old man will be holding hands with a young thai girl – or boy. Most of them seem to go to the cinema for a day date. One especially fat guy, basically an apple on legs, sits next to Sara with a really young local boy. I don’t know whether to find it funny or sad.
After the shitty movie, we head back to complain to everyone in the common room about it. Sara is feeling sick, and goes bed early, while the crowd on the floor thins out. Suddenly, we are three people left, and we agree to see a ping pong show – without animals this time. We meet my roommate Jennifer and her friend Nadia on the way, and they join us. We have a few buckets around different bars before going to a decent stripclub. The ping pong show has the lady pulling out razors, whistling with a flute, throwing darts at balloons that I’m holding, and smoking cigarettes. After that, the strippers pull me on stage, and the guys join me. We just do a bad dance and laugh our asses off, before I head to bed; it’s an early day the next day.
It’s a cloudy, yet hot day in Phi Phi. We have just hugged Tori goodbye, and we’re standing on the pier with our heavy backpacks on, confused. There seems to be no system, no way to tell which ferry is taking us to Patong. Suddenly, in the midst of our frustration, a super attractive guy approaches us. He is confused too. He has an accent I think is Australian, but it turns out that he’s English. I was never good at differentiating those.
We talk for some time about where we are staying in Patong (of course he’s not staying at our hostel), what our plans are (pretty much the same), and then Sara and I see the ferry, and we go to board it, while he finds his friends. Before we leave, he says “see you later!”
But we never see him again.
I’m bummed. Patong is full of people, but I haven’t seen anyone I would look at twice. And I know he’s here somewhere. But where?
On the ferry, we get an entire row of seats to ourselves. We hop under my blanket, as the AC is making us cold. A cute little boy, no more than two years old, is in the row next to us with his parents. He keeps walking over to me, smiling, touching my hair. I am trying to read my book, The Night Circus, but I’m too tired, and I fall asleep. That’s when the little boy decides to throw a tantrum for the rest of the trip. He even walks over to me and screams directly into my ear. Suddenly he’s not so cute anymore.
After getting off the ferry, we share a car with some people to Patong Beach. Some of them could have been the cast of Geordie Shore, with their barely there clothing, fake nails and lashes, and big suitcases. I guess backpacking isn’t for everyone. They put on a cheesy 00’s R’n’B/pop playlist and start singing along, while the rest of us are suffering in silence. They haven’t booked anything in advance, so they have our driver take them around some hotels, so they can ask for room prices (seriously? If you’re that cheap, stay at a hostel instead). It takes ages to actually get to the part of Patong everyone else is going to.
After a walk on Bangla Road, through an alley filled with thai women offering massages and eating lemongrass, we find the entrance to Patong Backpacker Hostel. The owner, Mama, is crazy and adorable, and everyone loves her right away. She shows us to a room that we share with Jennifer from Germany, who is always either out or in bed reading.
After a fancy dinner with steak (first cow in a month!) and piña coladas served in coconuts, Sara feels a bit ill and needs to lie down.
I want to go out, but accept that my she isn’t feeling well. I then decide to Skype Aga while Sara goes to sleep. A few hours later she changes her mind, and we have a massive argument about things that we’ve kept to ourselves for a while. Finally, we just hug it out and go out with the other people from the hostel. People I haven’t even spoken to yet!
We’re a big group, starting at a bar with a tiny stage and two stripper poles. The girls, me included, sit on the edge of the stage, completely into our mojito buckets and rapping along to Macklemore, while the guys are on the poles.It’s a different world in Patong.
At some point, we end up at a ping pong show. I’ve always imagined a woman on stage, completely naked and lying down, just popping out ping pong balls. Instead we sit, with a beer in hand, and witness an old woman in a camisole pulling out nails and razors, and popping out fish, turtles and budgies. She even puts the budgy back up, only to pop it out again. At this point, my mouth drops open, and my eyes meet two other guys with the same expression. We leave immediatly.
Sara and I take Mark, who got the pleasure of being stripped down and tittie-rubbed by the topless dancers entertaining between the ping pong lady’s bits, to Tiger Bar. It’s a piece of art in itself, but a water is 140 baht, and there are no cute guys in there. We sit at a table with a girl dancing on a pole, and suddenly she reaches for my hand. After a couple of times saying “no”, I take off my shoes and join her for a few minutes. I love this girl so much, I give her all my 20s in tips, and she gives me a kiss on the cheek. She has me all figured out.
We do a bit of club hopping, before we end up at a McDonald’s. Full and exhausted, we crawl to bed at 4.
I wake up the next day feeling alright, although a bit smelly. Everyone is going out for breakfast, and we end at McDonald’s when two girls from California decide they want something else – and so does Sara. The group splits up, and we walk in the blazing heat for a while, and end up at a restaurant at the beach. I am starving at this point, and order two different things, but by the time it arrives, my hangover hits me. A bad headache and severe nausea, and I run to the bathroom across the street, pay 5 baht to use it, and then nothing. I can’t throw up. I am irritated, tired, and I have no appetite, but the girls force me to eat my sandwich before I pass out in my bed.
We both wake up at around 2 o’clock. Our plan to go to Phuket for the day isn’t happening, so we decide to look for a cinema. A 5 minute walk later, we’re in this huge shopping mall, and we have 20 minutes to find the cinema before the movie starts. We finally find it, buy two tickets to Divergent, and get our bag of popcorn. The cinema is beautiful here, and the seats very comfortable. The only thing that’s different from what I’m used to is that we have to stand up for the King’s Anthem.
After the movie, we have a pedicure and manicure and a nice dinner, before we hang out with a beer and some people in the common room at the hostel. We go to Bangla Road by ourselves and have a drink, but we’re just not feeling it, so we go home and fall asleep at around 1.
With Jennifer, our roommate, and James
