Europe

My Best Friend’s Wedding

Albulena, the peanut butter to my jelly for the past 20 years, is getting married. The lucky fella in this incredible love story is Dardan, whom I only just met very recently, because of obvious reasons to people who know us (like the whole moving to Australia thing). Due to a lot of their family living in Kosovo, it’s time for a destination wedding.

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Roadtripping to Ribe and watching Bieber touch himself

I am home. I sit on my dad’s balcony with a glass of wine in my hand. This is where I live now. My hair’s bleached almost pure white to get rid of the excess green. I have a job in telemarketing that I hate. My friends have been scattered around the country, making it harder to see them spontaneously, but like my family, they’re a lot closer now than they have been for the past few years. My plans to go back to school have been compromised by new laws, so I’m back to square one. Here I am, just trying to make a life for myself in a country that is home, yet seems so foreign to me after a long time on the road. I’m standing still, but constantly moving.

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A look back on (at least) 14 hangovers

hfdihdf2014 has come and gone quickly. Just this time last year, I was preparing for my final exam and packing up my things to put in storage. I was daydreaming of colourful sarees, paradise beaches and freedom. Now, a year later, I am doing almost exactly the same. I have booked a flight to Cambodia early next year, and have been granted a Working Holiday Visa for Australia. I am excited, nervous and poor. I still have a lot of planning and purchasing to do before I’m ready for departure.

As everyone sits down to reflect on their year (usually with that stupid Facebook feature), I’ve created a list (yes, another list) of some accomplishments/experiences that I found worthy of sharing with someone. I clearly live an exciting life.

THIS YEAR I

  • Visited 10 countries (if you count Burma)
  • Was (only) reported for pornography on Facebook twice

Home

  • Made this website
  • Ate bull’s testicles (read here)
  • Tried mead, the drink of Vikings
  • Got really fat. Again.
  • Read 4 books in one week, because I am bored and unemployed

novaTOURient

  • Rode a camel and ripped my pants (read here)
  • Danced on stage in front of the entire city of Udaipur (read here)
  • Was kinda sexually assaulted by a group of men and managed to laugh at it (read here)
  • Threw colors at people (read here)
  • Motorboated a lady boy (read here)
  • Danced on stage at a stripclub (read here)
  • Ran away from my friends during a pubcrawl to look for 7-11 toasties
  • Lived on pad thai and banana lassis for almost a week
  • Rode an elephant and almost passed out while sitting on it (read here)
  • Was hit by a tiger’s tail (read here)
  • Had my name written by a vagina on a piece of paper (read here)
  • Got into my first fight (read here)
  • Rode a scooter for the first time and cried about it (read here)
  • Fell off a scooter. Twice.
  • Puked on myself and could do nothing about it for 12 hours (read here)
  • Donated blood at a children’s hospital (read here)
  • Became addicted to laughing gas (read here)
  • Ziplined (read here)

The Pink Palace 

  • Peed on a door on Aga’s birthday
  • Bought an inflatable crocodile, just so I could say “Is it your crocodile?” (watch Chris D’elia’s drunk girls parody around 2:11)
  • Pretty much quoted all of Chris D’elia’s jokes all summer
  • Crashed at a friend’s room, and did “the walk of shame” with a strap-on in one hand, the crocodile in the other
  • Was hit on by a straight man and a lesbian at once, and ended up going to bed to cuddle with the crocodile instead
  • Made the summer a bit too much about my crocodile
  • Got so drunk off mimosas during a breakfast shift, that I ended up staying at the bar DJ’ing most of the day instead of working
  • Drank retsina on the beach bar roof and saw shooting stars
  • Sat next to a foul smelling dog and talked about it for an hour
  • Pretended to be American and was busted several times by a group of Danish girls that had been there last year. And I still denied it.
  • Dressed up as a pirate for the booze cruise
  • Was forced to do my first body shot on the booze cruise. Wasn’t happy about it.
  • Did a 12 people, 3 AM ouzo circle that was absolute shit and amazing
  • Sexually harassed a shy co-worker for fun
  • Yelled at a family at dinner
  • Had a cake fight on Aga’s birthday
  • Forced myself to accept #CTMO
  • Planned a Full Moon Party that was so fun, our boss made us have as many Moon parties as possible
  • Got tons of free ice creams and compliments from Dr. George
  • Went to Jumbo like every week
  • Fell on my face all the time
  • Pretty much only drank champagne from the bottle and blacked out everytime
  • Sold an overwhelming amount of blowjob shots. To guys.
  • Dyed my hair pink
  • Danced to Martin Garrix – Animals every morning
  • Drank mimosas almost every morning, too
  • Pretended to be 17 and related to a guy from Chile

Oktoberfest

  • Had my hands full of beer steins
  • Was served breakfast, which was really just beer, through a funnel
  • Stole a pretzel for Hollie from the guys sitting next to us at one of the beer tents
  • Watched a drunk Asian woman try to run away from the medics
  • Bought myself a unicorn
  • Cuddled with Aga and Hollie to keep warm, while Aga was puking
  • Tried to watch The Other Woman three times, but kept falling asleep

I’ll end this post and this year with some of my favorite photos, just to prove I haven’t just been on the couch these past 365 days.

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Happy New Year! 2015, come at me.

22 things: the conclusion

Today is my 23rd birthday. This marks the end of my 22 things list, and of course I didn’t even make it to 20. I will cry into my cake later. Just kidding, I already ate it.

So, my birthday started with a night out. I asked out a few of my former colleagues, and we ended up getting pretty drunk, as it was Tequila Thursday, a very honoured tradition by Nanna and me. Nanna and Mikkel were not only nice enough to come out with me, they even bought me a super considerate present:

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That’s right, stickers and a giant brown dildo. We tried out a few names, so I’m not sure if it’s Bruno Mars of Chocolate Bent. I might do a poll later. Well, at least I didn’t go home completely alone. EDIT: He now goes by the name Spank Ocean.

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I was clearly very excited about my present, just as much as every guy around me. I swear to God this giant Twix bar was only in my possession for 1/3 of the night. This takes me back to the days at The Pink Palace with Aga’s strap-on. Guys will always act disgusted when they first see a giant dildo, but after a few minutes, they’re all about waving it in the air and trying to see if they can stick it to an unlikely surface.

I was home at 2 at night and I started feeling sick. I woke up, hugging 3 full water bottles, because I kept getting up at night to get something to drink, would take one sip and take it to bed with me. I am not very smart when I am drunk.

I took a shower, went out to buy food, watched some Geordie Shore and then went out shopping, where I randomly bumped into some friends. Then my mom picked me up and we went back to her place, where I cooked for my mom’s side of the family. I had a great time, although I was still dealing with nausea and stomach cramps.

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Cake <3

Back to the list. If you don’t remember, or have never heard of it before, here it is, with the achieved goals crossed out:

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I decided to compile all the photos into one collage, so you can get a feeling of what I’ve been doing with my life the past year. Pretty good stuff.IMG_6126.JPG