Travel Talk

March 23, 2015

I am having the worst best time ever

christinelouise Asia, Travel Talk 2015, Asia, Bohol, Cebu, philippines, unfortunate happenings

Cebu and Bohol, the Philippines: So you’d think that with me missing my most important flight – the one out of Denmark – and with all my sunburns and whatnot, I would have no worries from now on. Wrong.

As the clock striked midnight and the calender said January 1^st 2015, I thought to myself: “This is going to be my year. Forget 2015 – this is going to be year Twenty-Christine”

I was so naïve.

Before I share my painful last few days with you, know this: I am very grateful to have the opportunity to travel. I am happy to be in the Philippines. Everything that has happened could have been avoided, had I not been so foolish and naïve. I know I could have been more careful, and I know there are more important things in life. So shut your piehole.

Now, let’s start this emotionally painful story.

We arrive in Cebu and are staying at a fairly new hostel, Le Village Guesthouse. They put us in The Red Room (no, not the one from Fifty Shades), a 10 bed dorm. Sophie gets the top bunk, I get the bottom, by a giant window covered by red drapes. I feel pretty ill, so I decide to take a nap, and 5 hours later we get up and go hunt for food. Apparently, this is mission impossible here. Reluctantly, we decide to go to McDonald’s, after walking around for over an hour and only coming across fast food places and very suspicious-looking street kitchens.

We get back and go to bed early. We have to get up at 4 AM to take a bus to Oslob and swim with whale sharks. I get my stuff out for the next morning – my wallet, underwater camera, bikini – and put it next to me on the bed, then I go to bed and read Yes Please by Amy Poehler on my Kindle before passing out.

I wake up to the sound of my alarm, which is by the foot of the bed. I get up and put on my clothes, but my purse with my wallet in it is gone. I use the flashlight on my phone to unpack all my bags twice, but no luck. I go to the ladyboy at reception and let him/her know, and she follows me back to the room, switches the lights on and watches me unpack everything again. It’s gone. Outside, we can see someone has opened the window by our bed, and they must’ve just reached out and grabbed the stuff that looked valuable. From my bed. As I was in it. Like, right next to my face.

Fortunately, they haven’t seen or been able to reach my phone at the end of the bed. I tell Sophie I can’t go swim with sharks, as I need to cancel my credit card and sort out my insurance. I find out my insurance is not covering me this week. I am Skyping my dad and stepmom and it cheers me up a bit, even though I am more shocked that someone robbed me in my sleep than I am mad that they stole my stuff. I later find out they also took my waterproof camera, which annoys me, since we have to swim with the sharks the following day.

To cheer up and get some new headphones (they stole those too), we go to Ayala Mall and walk around for hours. It’s a confusing place. I feel a bit better after some shopping, and we walk around for ages afterwards to find dinner. We get a pedicure and are so famished by the time we’re done, we end up by McDonald’s, which is right next to the salon. This is getting disgusting.

4 AM the next morning, we get up and go to the bus station. We take the 3-hour bus to Oslob, the cheapest one full of locals that insist on opening up all the windows even though it’s cold at 5 AM and we’re sitting in tiny bikinis and short dresses. I am freezing and very unhappy and the locals keep pointing and laughing and yelling “HI!” and talking to me. I eventually fall asleep.

We arrive at the whale shark watching place and put our valuables in a locker. We both have waterproof cases for our phones, so we can take a picture of the sharks. I bought mine in Laos last year when I went tubing, and I’ve used it while snorkeling a couple of times, so I’m not worried at all.

We get 30 minutes out in the water with snorkeling gear, and the whale sharks are massive. They get really close to us – so close, that our feet accidentally touch one of the sharks’ back as it swims under us. I try to take photos for like 10 minutes, and then I put my phone back in the boat and just enjoy the sharks.

This is sooo coooooool

After the 30 minutes are up, we get back on the boat, and my case is filled with water. Fuck. As soon as we get on land, I buy a bag of rice and throw my phone in there.

We get a bike to Tumalog Falls, an amazing waterfall a few minutes away. We stay there for just a short while to take pictures (now just with Sophie’s phone) and enjoy it, but the Asian tourists are getting on our nerves.

We then get the bus back to Cebu city, where a creepy guy next to me offers to put sunscreen on my back.

The next day, we take a ferry to Tagbilaran, Bohol. Just before getting to the port though, I realise I forgot my passport back at the hostel, so we have to turn back. In Tagbilaran, we are staying at TR3ATS Guesthouse, close to the malls. We find a place that actually has vegetables, kind of, so we eat chicken and rice and a stir-fry. When I say eat, I mean we take like 5 bites and we’re full. All while everyone is staring at us. Because there are like 3 white people in this city.

The next day, we get on a local 2-hour bus to Carmen to see the chocolate hills. I was disappointed to find out that the name comes from the color of the grass on the hills, not because there’s any chocolate around. I am also disappointed, because the pictures on Google looked so much better. But it’s still beautiful, nonetheless.

We take a bike to the Tarsier Sanctuary in Loboc, where we see like 4 monkeys and it’s over in 20 minutes. But they are so goddamn cute! They are the size of my fist with the biggest eyes ever. And when they sleep, they look like Furbees.

After a long trip on a local bus, we are back at the hostel, and I turn on my computer to check my emails. I see 6 mails from Amazon, telling me I have purchased books for my Kindle. You know, the one that was stolen a few days ago in Cebu. I log on to my Amazon profile, something that did not occur to me when I had all my stuff stolen, or when my iPhone died, or when I had to plan our next move, travel-wise. Sorry for being dumb. Well, my Amazon profile tells me this guy has purchased 12 sex books. I will so kindly give you the titles here:

Science ..For Her!
Everything Is Perfect When You’re a Liar
Life As I Blow It: Tales of Love, Life & Sex . . . Not Necessarily in That Order
I Like You Just the Way I Am: Stories About Me and Some Other People
Fitting Him In : Taboo MILF Menage
MILF: Banging the Birthday Boy
Caught By Mom: Best Friends Naughty Older Mother Seduces Untuched and Eager Younger Man in Taboo Secret MILF Mommy First Time Family Woman Boy Fantasy Erotica
My Step Craving
The Naughty Mother Collection – 13 Taboo Tales of Tempting Panty-Dropping MILF Seduction
So Taboo: 50 Erotic Stories Mega Collection 2
Caught By My Mother’s Best Friend
Cream of MILF

….so clearly we’re dealing with a freak.

So I just start panicking, and I call my stepmom on Skyoe immediately. I have to sit in the common room, as some girls in our room are napping. As soon as she answers and I start to explain the situation, I start sobbing. In front of everyone. The more embarrassed I get, the more I cry. I just feel so hopeless, having lost so much stuff and being so unfortunate and I feel sick and alone and I don’t know what to do. The more someone tells me “just enjoy your vacation” or “at least you have your health” or “it’s just things”, the angrier I get. But my dad cancels another credit card, the one the books have been charged on, and I feel a bit relieved once we hang up. Just a little bit.

We don’t even bother going for dinner, but I cheer up a bit as we sit in our dorm and listen to girly pop songs while I “serenade” our weird roommate. We book a flight out of here, and fall asleep after watching The Voice.

The next morning, our roommates wake us up around 7 o’clock. So rude. By 11, we get off a trike and arrive at Alona beach and have breakfast – AT A RESTAURANT! I haven’t seen one in days! Then, we go lay out on the beautiful beach till around 5 o’clock.

For dinner, we have beef kebab on the beach. It’s expensive, but amazing. I’ve missed vegetables and restaurants and beef and actual food.

So, my 5^th day wasn’t so bad. This whole ordeal has been an absolute nightmare for me, especially while being on the road. Ultimately, it’s not something that’s going to ruin my time here, but hey, no one can keep shrugging every time something bad happens. I sure can’t.

March 18, 2015

Doing nothing in Boracay

christinelouise Asia, Travel Talk 2015, Asia, Boracay, Drinking, philippines

Boracay, the Philippines: You know when you go on a week long holiday and just sit by the pool all day everyday and when you get back with a great tan and 5 additional kilos on your body, people ask you what you did on your holiday and you honestly have no idea what to answer? That was my week in Boracay.

Boracay is a tiny island full of activities and beautiful beaches. People come to do the pubcrawl, take kitesurfing lessons or go to mermaid school. I wanted to do all of those, but instead I ended up frying on the beach during the day, and sleeping in a way too cold room at night.

We arrive on Tuesday at 8 PM and just miss the pubcrawl. After a quick shower we head to White Beach where all the bars and resaturants are at. It’s beautiful with all the tables spread out on this fine sand beach with lanterns everywhere and good music coming from the bars. We have chicken skewers and rice, and after that, we find a bar and have a cheap rum and pineapple juice that’s a struggle to get down. We’re set on finding this pubcrawl, as some of the guys from our hostel back in Manila are on it this very evening, and we need friendly faces. We hunt for an hour, maybe two, before we see a packed bar and run into the guys. At this point, after a few drinks, I’m already feeling sick and take a break from drinking. A few people comment on the water bottle that I am hugging. We talk to a few people before we get bored, so Sophie and I go for a walk towards the other bars. Here, a very buff Aussie stops us, pulls Sophie in and convinces us to go to Epic Bar, which apparently we’re standing right in front of. It’s more of a nightclub, with only a group of unspecified asian people dancing in a circle. To their credit, they go mad hard. I finally man up and get a beer and decide to join them, which gets them so excited, I have to dance in the middle of the circle. The bar is filling up with people, and we get to talk to a few more before we end up following some guys to a silent disco. We drunkenly convince the lady handing out headphones that we didn’t bring ID, a cellphone or enough cash to deposit while we borrow the headphones, and we dance around in the sand to everything from Ellie Goulding to 50 Cents. I think. We are back in bed at 2 AM.

Our hostel, MNL Hostel is amazing. We get a clean towel and despite being in a 10 bed dorm, we seem to have so much privacy because of how the room is decorated. The free breakfast is good, too. For our 7 nights here, we end up paying a bit over 4000 pesos, but it’s well worth it.

Most of our days are spent on White Beach, frying until 2 or 3 PM, and then we take a nap. We hang out a bit with Elgin from Manila and Wade from England. We go to Puka Beach one very windy day and don’t really enjoy it. I get a sunburnt butt and bikini line. Awesome.

Finishing my new favorite book, Wild by Cheryl Strayed. RIP, Kindle (will explain in nex blog post)

With Elgin and the staff at Hobbit House

Halfway through our chill week in Boracay, I get ill. I feel like I have a fever, and my head hurts. I’m so sick and dizzy that I go back to the room early, while Sophie still fries on the beach.The next day, I have a flu. Or maybe a cold. Then Sophie gets it as well. We drink water with vitamin C tablets and chow down several pills for colds and coughs. We seem to get better pretty quickly, but then it returns. For me, at least. I also get a seriously scary nose bleed, very suddenly, as I’m sitting on the toilet one day. WARNING: EXPLICIT

Just kidding. It looked worse in real life.

On our last day, we meet Jesper from Sweden and Laura from Scotland. We hang out with them and Paul from England during the day, seeing Mount Luho, a quite spot on Bulabog Beach, and then we chill on White Beach while talking about how shit 50 Shades Of Grey is.

At night, we all go get food at Lola’s Pizza and then we start a game of beer pong. Surprisingly, me and local guy Chris win against Jesper and Paul. We then battle Sophie and Laura and almost win, but clearly we don’t. I am far too drunk to engage in two rounds of Ring of Fire and Ride the Bus by then, but do so anyway. What else is there to do but socialise?

SONY DSC Processed with VSCOcam with b5 preset

I follow them and the guys from the hostel in Manila to the bars at White Beach, but go home with Sandra from Sweden soon after, ‘cause we’re so tired and grumpy. Way to end the night.

March 10, 2015

Island hopping in El Nido

christinelouise Asia, Travel Talk 2015, Asia, el nido, kayaking, philippines

El Nido, the Philippines

After a 6 hour busride with annoying fat French people, we are in El Nido and check into our hostel, Our Melting Pot. Since it’s only 2 PM, we go to the beach and lay out. Here, we run into Stephen and Rosie from Sheebang, who we hang out with until we head to Art Café to book tour A for the next morning. Then, we book our bus back to Puerto Princesa.

Fat kid decided to jump the ice cream bike and try to claw his way into the box.

For dinner, we go to the beach, which by now is filled with tables and candles. It’s so cozy and so expensive. We get a beer and then go to the night market, where a basketball game is on as well. It’s full of locals cheering loudly, and we are lucky enough to witness the last 5 minutes of the game. Home team wins! I trip and nearly fall face down onto the concrete pavement, but Sophie’s top saves me last minute. I still end upwith a bleeding toe. Ouch. On our way back to the hostel, we run into Stephen and Rosie yet again. They’re heading to bed early, and we decide to do the same – but not until I’ve had a pork skewer at a stand on the street.

The following day, we get up early and head to Art Café for our tour. This one is not full of Chinese people luckily, but it is full of couples. Ugh! We get on a boat and travel to the Small Lagoon, from where we kayak to Big Lagoon. The open water is horrendous to kayak in with the big waves, though, so Sophie and I are falling way behind the others. The lagoons are amazingly quiet and beautiful though.

After the lagoons, we sail to Simizu Island and then we have lunch at Secret Lagoon Beach: fresh grilled fish and chicken skewers with rice and salad. It’s the most amazing meal I’ve had in a long time. The tour guides tell us we look beautiful and invite us out for the night, all while we’re sweaty and bloated from all the food.

Our last stop is the 7 Commando beach, and by then, we’re pretty sunburnt and tired of getting in the cold water. We sit in the shade and enjoy a fresh buko (coconut).

At night, we have the national dish for dinner – a massive plate of noodles, seafood and vegetables – and then have a crepe on the street. Mine is with peanutbutter and banana and it’s so good. I really like their peanut butter here. We head to bed not long after and have a long night of sweating profusely in our crammed fan dorm with 3-story beds.

It is our last day in El Nido, and we take a tricycle to Nacpan beach, which is almost completely empty when we arrive. We lay out on the fine white sand and I am finishing up “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed. I absolutely love this book. I guess it’s my “Eat, Pray, Love”, and reading it makes me feel like I could travel alone. Maybe even hike? As soon as I put it down I forget all about it though, and I go back to my lazy ways.

We go back and have some food and a shower before getting on the 6 PM bus to Puerto Princesa. At one point it looks like we’ve gotten a flat tire, so we stop for ages, and still manage to get back to Sheebang Hostel after 5 hours. We get into bed, when a couple right outside the window starts having loud sex. 5 times.

March 9, 2015

Bridget Jones with pink eye

christinelouise Asia, Travel Talk 2015, Asia, philippines, puerto princesa, underground river

Puerto Princesa, the Philippines: hot Aussie guy hurts my feelings

On the plane from Manila to Puerto Princesa in Palawan, I meet a nice local lady. She’s just one of many nice people who have offered advice on traveling in the Philippines. I’ll say that the locals here are much nicer than they are in most of South East Asia. They address me as “ma’am”, but pronounce it like “mom”, which I find funny. Sometimes I’ll answer them by calling them “dad”.

Since our walking tour in Manila, my left eye has been pretty irritated and runny. I conclude I have an eye infection, so I stop wearing eye make-up and constantly wipe away “tears”. It doesn’t look too bad, but it feels that way. So the following story stings just a little.

At sunset, we get some cards out and start playing a drinking game at Sheebang Hostel. We call over a Danish and a German guy, DJ Awesome and Schlager, and they join us. Suddenly, two guys sit down as well, making us play Ring of Fire. Both are from Australia, and one of them is the most gorgeous man I have seen in ages – despite being the opposite of my usual type, having tattoos and a manbun. We play the game and I am snake eyes – which means no one can look me in the eyes – and Viking King, because that is just a no-brainer. Suddenly, this intimidatingly good-looking guy looks me straight in the eyes, smiles and says: “have you ever been told you look like a certain celebrity?”

I have. Back when I was pretty I could go for Lauren Conrad, if you squinted your eyes a bit. But now I am sitting here in the candle light wearing unflattering Ali Baba pants and no make-up and a runny eye. I am curious to hear what he says.

“Bridget Jones.”

What the actual fuck!? Bridget Jones, who no one finds attractive? I look like a chubby, unattractive Brit? OK, I guess I had that one coming. But still, it hurts.

We go back to the room and meet our new Irish roommate, Bernard. We’re not drunk, but I’m definitely feeling buzzed. We have silly conversations just before bedtime, and then Sophie and Bernard sing me Soft Kitty. You know, the one from The Big Bang Theory.

Very very early the next morning, we get on a minibus and start our long journey to the Underground River. Then we take a boat. Then we wait to take another boat into the grotto. The “beach” around the grotto is amazingly beautiful and overrun by Chinese tourists, who takes group photos by every single sign. Every single one. A group of Philippinos ask for group pictures with me “for a project”. Right.

Waving goodbye to the Chinese tourists

Just helping some guys with a “project”

The grotto tour is about 30 or 40 minutes, and Sophie and I are in the front of the boat, so we get stuck with the responsibility of holding the flashlight. It’s very dark and quiet inside and full of bats, but definitely very cool. We get back to the hostel, and I decide to go hunting for some eye drops for my supposed infection. After visiting 4 pharmacies and a hospital, I give up.

Back at the hostel bar, we meet Stephen from USA and Rosie from England – what’s up with all the English people these days!? – and we start playing Cheers to the Governor. DJ Schlager and Bernard sit down with us as well and we just chill until it’s time for bed for me and Sophie – which is pretty early. We’ve got a 7 AM bus to El Nido.

March 6, 2015

Walking around Manila

christinelouise Asia, Travel Talk 2015, Asia, manila, philippines

Puerto Princesa, the Philippines: They say it’s about the journey, not the destination. I say bullshit.

Get up at 4 AM. Taxi at 5 AM. Wait for the check-in counter to open at the airport, then wait hours for the gate to be listed on the boards. Get an entire row on the plane for yourself, until an old Philippino guy decides to steal one of the seats and stare at you the whole time while you’re sleeping, with open mouth and all. Land, go through immigration and get the luggage, then go through the stressful find-a-taxi task, arrive at hostel, Our Melting Pot. Then, I sit here, waiting for Sophie.

This Sophie I met through TravelBuddy. She’s actually the reason I’m travelling to the Philippines in the first place. I was going to go wherever the wind – or cool people – would take me. That was Sophie. She’s from England, and we seem to agree on a lot of things travel-wise. She arrives a few hours later than me, so I get a shower and slather aloe vera all over me – this time, the sunburn is on my front. She walks in, we talk and then we walk out to do some exploring.

We get lost. We don’t know what to do or where to go. We search for a good restaurant, a bar, anything, and end up empty handed. Eventually, we go to bed early – 9-ish.

The next day, we sign up for the hostel’s free walking tour. Our guide, Boodie (pronounced Booty) is awesome and has a perfect American accent, despite being born and raised here. We are supposed to walk around for 5-6 hours, but end up spending 8+ hours. We aren’t too interested in the things we see – Intramuros, Rizal park, National Museum, Fort Santiago and Mall of Asia – but we are very interested in the Danish flags that are everywhere in this city – apparently to welcome a Sovereign from Malta. Massive fail, Manila.

We get back and go out with Caroline and Bryan from the tour. We start with beers with other hostel guests at the night market across the street. Then we go to a hotel sky bar and I have a Long Island Ice Tea with sprite instead of coke, and we bond with aussies and british as we tell people we met on Tinder. Then we head back to the hostel to pack and get some sleep – our flight leaves very early next morning.

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