For the first time in several years, I haven’t been living out of a backpack. It seems so strange to me, having been in the same place for a whole year. I don’t like it. I do like having a closet for once, though.
2015 was another weird year of unfortunate happenings, inappropriate doings and amazing experiences. While some people collect post stamps or coins, I collect stories to tell the grandkids when they’re old enough to know what a strap-on is, but enough about The Pink Palace. Of course I am not talking about sexual stories, so get your mind out of the gutter.
A true story told in GIFs:
Life as an Inbetweener – a term I just made up for when you’ve returned home from a trip, doing nothing until you go travelling again – is rough. You were once that person; the one with the great tan, amazing Instagram pictures of exotic landscapes, and you always seemed to have a big group of new friends around you. People at home envied you, kept asking you when you would be home so you could hang out again. Then you were finally back in your own bed, cooking your own food, speaking your own language. Everything that you had missed while away was right there for you to enjoy. Then your tan faded. People who were so eager to hang out once you got home were suddenly too busy with their lives. You started to miss the fresh street food, being around like-minded people and living out of a backpack. So you decided it was time to plan a new adventure. And this is how it (by default) is gonna go:
- You are bored with everything
“Can it stop raining already? Why am I doing laundry on a Saturday night? I hate it here and I need some pad thai.”
- People at home stress you out
So your friends all have awesome careers now and they just moved in with their significant other and have no time for you, and you’re living off your savings account and the only thing you’ve accomplished lately is your high score in Candy Crush.
- You can’t stand looking at your travelling friends online having a good time
Of course this is just because you’re super jealous.
- You decide to do go on a new adventure, but planning is overwhelming
The world is big, and there are so many cool things to see everywhere. Where do you even begin!?
- You finally pick your adventure, book a flight and cannot contain your excitement
This is the most relieved you’ve felt in a long time.
- You have a lot of things to get done before you leave and it stresses you out
Plan stuff, do some paperwork, save money, cry.
- You share your plans with EVERYONE
You’re not trying to brag – you’re genuinely happy to have a purpose in life again. Some people will be happy for you. Some will roll their eyes and be like “AGAIN? Are you ever going to get back to real life?”
- Graduation goggles
The day of your departure is approaching, and suddenly leaving seems so difficult. You’re going to miss home and your friends so so so much. All the things you’ll miss out on while away, like mom’s birthday and your best friend’s first blind date!
- You jump into your adventure and it’s everything you hoped it would be
After an emotional whirlwind, you’re where you want to be, and you finally feel whole again. Plus, your tan looks amazing.
So pack your bags and go chase your dream! Your adventure is waiting for you.
2014 has come and gone quickly. Just this time last year, I was preparing for my final exam and packing up my things to put in storage. I was daydreaming of colourful sarees, paradise beaches and freedom. Now, a year later, I am doing almost exactly the same. I have booked a flight to Cambodia early next year, and have been granted a Working Holiday Visa for Australia. I am excited, nervous and poor. I still have a lot of planning and purchasing to do before I’m ready for departure.
As everyone sits down to reflect on their year (usually with that stupid Facebook feature), I’ve created a list (yes, another list) of some accomplishments/experiences that I found worthy of sharing with someone. I clearly live an exciting life.
THIS YEAR I
- Visited 10 countries (if you count Burma)
- Was (only) reported for pornography on Facebook twice
- Made this website
- Ate bull’s testicles (read here)
- Tried mead, the drink of Vikings
- Got really fat. Again.
- Read 4 books in one week, because I am bored and unemployed
- Rode a camel and ripped my pants (read here)
- Danced on stage in front of the entire city of Udaipur (read here)
- Was kinda sexually assaulted by a group of men and managed to laugh at it (read here)
- Threw colors at people (read here)
- Motorboated a lady boy (read here)
- Danced on stage at a stripclub (read here)
- Ran away from my friends during a pubcrawl to look for 7-11 toasties
- Lived on pad thai and banana lassis for almost a week
- Rode an elephant and almost passed out while sitting on it (read here)
- Was hit by a tiger’s tail (read here)
- Had my name written by a vagina on a piece of paper (read here)
- Got into my first fight (read here)
- Rode a scooter for the first time and cried about it (read here)
- Fell off a scooter. Twice.
- Puked on myself and could do nothing about it for 12 hours (read here)
- Donated blood at a children’s hospital (read here)
- Became addicted to laughing gas (read here)
- Ziplined (read here)
The Pink Palace
- Peed on a door on Aga’s birthday
- Bought an inflatable crocodile, just so I could say “Is it your crocodile?” (watch Chris D’elia’s drunk girls parody around 2:11)
- Pretty much quoted all of Chris D’elia’s jokes all summer
- Crashed at a friend’s room, and did “the walk of shame” with a strap-on in one hand, the crocodile in the other
- Was hit on by a straight man and a lesbian at once, and ended up going to bed to cuddle with the crocodile instead
- Made the summer a bit too much about my crocodile
- Got so drunk off mimosas during a breakfast shift, that I ended up staying at the bar DJ’ing most of the day instead of working
- Drank retsina on the beach bar roof and saw shooting stars
- Sat next to a foul smelling dog and talked about it for an hour
- Pretended to be American and was busted several times by a group of Danish girls that had been there last year. And I still denied it.
- Dressed up as a pirate for the booze cruise
- Was forced to do my first body shot on the booze cruise. Wasn’t happy about it.
- Did a 12 people, 3 AM ouzo circle that was absolute shit and amazing
- Sexually harassed a shy co-worker for fun
- Yelled at a family at dinner
- Had a cake fight on Aga’s birthday
- Forced myself to accept #CTMO
- Planned a Full Moon Party that was so fun, our boss made us have as many Moon parties as possible
- Got tons of free ice creams and compliments from Dr. George
- Went to Jumbo like every week
- Fell on my face all the time
- Pretty much only drank champagne from the bottle and blacked out everytime
- Sold an overwhelming amount of blowjob shots. To guys.
- Dyed my hair pink
- Danced to Martin Garrix – Animals every morning
- Drank mimosas almost every morning, too
- Pretended to be 17 and related to a guy from Chile
- Had my hands full of beer steins
- Was served breakfast, which was really just beer, through a funnel
- Stole a pretzel for Hollie from the guys sitting next to us at one of the beer tents
- Watched a drunk Asian woman try to run away from the medics
- Bought myself a unicorn
- Cuddled with Aga and Hollie to keep warm, while Aga was puking
- Tried to watch The Other Woman three times, but kept falling asleep
I’ll end this post and this year with some of my favorite photos, just to prove I haven’t just been on the couch these past 365 days.
Happy New Year! 2015, come at me.
Today is my 23rd birthday. This marks the end of my 22 things list, and of course I didn’t even make it to 20. I will cry into my cake later. Just kidding, I already ate it.
So, my birthday started with a night out. I asked out a few of my former colleagues, and we ended up getting pretty drunk, as it was Tequila Thursday, a very honoured tradition by Nanna and me. Nanna and Mikkel were not only nice enough to come out with me, they even bought me a super considerate present:
That’s right, stickers and a giant brown dildo. We tried out a few names, so I’m not sure if it’s Bruno Mars of Chocolate Bent. I might do a poll later. Well, at least I didn’t go home completely alone. EDIT: He now goes by the name Spank Ocean.
I was clearly very excited about my present, just as much as every guy around me. I swear to God this giant Twix bar was only in my possession for 1/3 of the night. This takes me back to the days at The Pink Palace with Aga’s strap-on. Guys will always act disgusted when they first see a giant dildo, but after a few minutes, they’re all about waving it in the air and trying to see if they can stick it to an unlikely surface.
I was home at 2 at night and I started feeling sick. I woke up, hugging 3 full water bottles, because I kept getting up at night to get something to drink, would take one sip and take it to bed with me. I am not very smart when I am drunk.
I took a shower, went out to buy food, watched some Geordie Shore and then went out shopping, where I randomly bumped into some friends. Then my mom picked me up and we went back to her place, where I cooked for my mom’s side of the family. I had a great time, although I was still dealing with nausea and stomach cramps.
Back to the list. If you don’t remember, or have never heard of it before, here it is, with the achieved goals crossed out: