The search for Uluru and the death of Rosie

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Townsville, Cloncurry, Middle of nowhere, Australia: Trying to get to a rock we apparently can’t pronounce the name of. And failing.

That big, red rock in the middle of nowhere in Australia? I’ve always wanted to see it in person. For us, it means we have to drive back to Townville, before moving inlands. Since we have a late start because of the mechanic, we only do the around 4-hour drive to Townsville that day and stay at Town and Country Caravan Park in Townsville for the night. We end up chatting up a local camper who seems a bit too keen to smoke weed with us, so we go for a stroll into town for some drinks. We end up at an Irish pub for a couple of hours and drinks before heading back.

The next day we head inland on a 9-hour long trip, making a stop in Hughenden, then arriving in Cloncurry around 8 in the evening. We stay at Cloncurry Park Oasis, and decide to head to a bar and grill across the road for snacks and a few drinks. We sit there until closing time, talking to a nice Dutch girl tending the bar. She gives us chocolate and tries to convince us to buy desserts (oh, the luxury), and suddenly it’s time to go back to the van.

Next day, we reach the border and head into Northern Territory. We come up with a game where we wave at every backpacker van we see, but at this point, we wave at everyone, since cars are a somewhat rare sight around here. We are around 140 km past Soudan, when Rosie starts to shake and then breaks down. We are parked at the side of the road, 100 km from the next town. There are several holes in the engine, leaking oil everywhere. Princess Rosie is dead. Two cars with a group of brothers heading out on a fishing trip stop and look at the car, get our details and promise to phone someone, so Rosie can get towed – we have no cellphone service in the Outback. They feel sorry for us, and treats us to TWO BOTTLES OF WHITE WINE, and then, because the wine isn’t cold, they give us a cold beer each, and then pour some of their ice in our cooler and put the wines in there. We start drinking it right away, getting drunk under the harsh sun, watching the occasional car pass us every half hour or so. We pass the time taking some pictures, of course.

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The bush flies are everywhere and beyond aggressive, so we huddle up on the front seat and put on some stand-up videos on my laptop. We realise that there’s no fixing Rosie, that she’s really dead. We mourn her by taking a few pictures to remember her by.

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Sharon enjoying one of our free, cold, beer

And of course, I was bored, so I also did this:

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We then have some canned soup for dinner, while watching the incredible sunset and worrying about attracting wildlife. We go to bed at 7 o’clock.

Next day, Craig hitchhikes into nearest town, Barkley, and arrives 4 hours later in a car with an older local, Tony. He drives us to the only motel in Barkley, where we have to stay for two nights until we can catch the next bus to the nearest city, Tennant Creek. The owner is so nice to give us a discount, 1/3 off the price a night. We stay in a 3 bed room with AC, a fridge, TV and a nice shower. We are the luckiest unlucky bastards ever!

Cairns

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Cairns, Australia: Last stop on our coast tour!

We pull up to Cairns Holiday Park and spend the night with a bit of goon. The next day, we take the 30-40 minute walk on the Esplanade into town, and find Calypso Café for breakfast. Their iced mocha is to die for!

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After a bit of exploring, we go to Woolies and stock up on a few things. We have goon, as usual, and then we fall asleep.

The next day, the guys go skydiving – we decide to go drink. It is our friend Devon’s birthday, after all. We go to Calypso Café for a great breakfast and coffee first, then we go shopping for a bit, and then we end up at a bar on the Esplanade. The guys eventually join us, and by then we’re beyond tipsy. We’ve made friends with the only male bartender, Dane, since he makes the strongest drinks, and we stuff our faces with $ 18 nachos and equally expensive buffalo wings. Eventually, we go back to the campsite, where we keep the drinks coming.

The next day, we go for breakfast at the same place yet again, and then go next door for day drinking. I really love day drinking. We book a day trip to the Great Barrier Reef the next day with Reef Daytripper, so we head to bed quite early.

We get on a nice boat with a bunch of very boring couples and sail for around 2 hours before we reach Upolu Reef. We jump in, and within minutes, we have found a white tip reef shark! The waves are hitting us hard and knocks us back, so we get quite the workout swimming around, seeing bright blue starfish, clownfish and other colorful species, when we stumble upon the day’s first sea turtle. We follow it for what seems like ages, before we get back on the boat for lunch, and then we sail for a little while to snorkel a different area of the reef. Here, we find even more turtles.

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On the way back, we aren’t feeling too great, but we are offered a GLASS of goon, cheeses and fruits. The day can’t possibly get any better, can it?

We have been talking about going to Nandos for ages, since I have never tried it before – and Cairns happens to have one. We go get ourselves some delicious chicken, although I am being a bit moody, since my fries are way spicier than I though. I don’t do spicy food very well, which I like to remind everyone of. We walk home in the rain, and I am too exhausted to even consider goon. I try to read my shitty crime/horror/romance/erotica novel about cowboys and naïve blondes (why do I even bother sometimes?), but I can’t process the words. Craig reads aloud a chapter of the book he’s currently reading, The Rosie Effect, which is the follow-up to The Rosie Project, that I previously read and enjoyed immensely. I’ve said this before, I’ve swallowed books over the past weeks. I think I am up to 5 books since we left Brisbane. While I appreciate Craig’s fatherly gesture, I quickly fall asleep, unable to make sense of the English language anymore.

The next day, we have our last iced coffee at Calypso, and we decide to pick up a few things at Target. It quickly turns into a full-on shopping spree. Several hours and dollars later, Sharon, Craig and I jump into Rosie and drive back to the camp site, waiting for the onsite mechanic to fix her up before her big trip to Uluru. He hasn’t received all the parts he ordered, so we wait until the day after, which is our check-out day. He is late, as expected, so we go to Woolies to pick up 30 litres of water, 3 kilos of pasta and several cans of soup. We’re ready to go.

The day we got to touch ALL of the animals!

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Townsville, Australia: IT’S SO FLUFFY I’M GONNA DIE

After a bit of a drive, we arrive at Coral Coast Tourist Park. It’s quite a bit out of town – as all camping sites are – but the facilities are great. They have the longest, cleanest bathroom I have seen in a looong time. We decide to drive up to the Castle Hill lookout for sunset. Being the only vans driving up the hill, which is a very popular place for runners and hikers, is a bit embarrassing. We find a nice little area to sit and watch the sun go down.

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We don’t dwell there too long though, and go back to the camp site for a great dinner of steak, cooked beans in garlic butter, salad and potatoes. Of course, goon is had with this feast. I eat till I’m ready to pass out, but end up staying up fairly late, discussing serious things like religion, gender identity, and fluffy animals. And people think I’m as dumb as I look!

The next day is pretty epic. We go to Billabong Sanctuary, where within minutes, I fulfill my week-long dream of holding a wombat. IT’S SO FLUFFY I’M GONNA DIE!

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It’s quite big and heavy, with coarse fur, but I enjoy every second of holding it. In Australia, it seems that all animals, no matter how cute and fluffy they are, can kill you, but zoos will still let you cuddle them for the price of $18. Seems reasonable to me.

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After that, Craig holds a koala, we feed kangaroos and turtles, we learn about snakes and crocodiles, see a koala baby, get followed around by ducks and geese wanting our kangaroo food, pet dingoes, hold a baby crocodile and have our necks pecked by a rainbow parrot. How epic does that sound?

 

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On the way home, I promise Craig to play him some epic music, so I put on Bohemian Rhapsody, which we sing along to loudly. We are stuck in city traffic most of the time, so the car in the lane next to us overhears everything. I see the two women in the front seat looking at each other, laughing, but I am unaware of how much they are actually listening, until they start applauding out of the window – while driving. Now that’s epic!

We have lamb steaks with all the works from yesterday for dinner, with more goon. I am getting really sick and tired of just sitting around, drinking goon, especially since I’m usually really into some book that I just want to finish in silence. So off I go, to finish yet another book and fall asleep to the sound of nothing.

The next day, Sharon dyes my hair in the ladies’ bathroom, so for 20 minutes, I run around in my underwear with dark blue goo in my hair and aluminum foil trying to prevent the goo from getting everywhere. After a shower and a quick pack-up, we start driving again, stopping for lunch and a swing in Mission Beach, and Josephine Falls, a pretty waterfall that you’re not even allowed to get close to. That was it for Townsville, next stop: Cairns!

Airlie Beach and Whitsunday on a Sunday

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Airlie Beach and Whitsunday, Australia: We spendin’ most our lives tryin’ to get to this Aussie Paradise

Craig and I go ahead and drive to Airlie Beach without Sharon and Nick. We check into YHA for one night, just to have an actual bed and a shower. We have to park the van over at Base hostel, which is a bit of a walk from there, but we don’t mind too much, until Nick and Sharon arrive and we need to walk back so she can get her bag from the car and put it in Nick’s. At the same time, I get a text from the Council in New South Wales about a fine I haven’t paid yet, so now instead of $63 I owe them $173. I panic, but decide to call them and they assure me that it was just a mistake. I’m still shaking though, and am not too happy about running around town just because some guy decided to stay up all night so he couldn’t get here the same time as us.

He decides to stay in for the night, so Sharon meets us at the hostel for some overly sweet goon, while we watch “Ew” skits and listen to Lonely Island songs. We are all pretty tried and decide to go to bed fairly early.

The next day, the sun is scorching hot, even in the early morning. Craig and I check out of YHA and park our car in the camping area of Base. With the guests almost exclusively being backpackers, it has a very hostel-y vibe. Before settling down at a table with some goon, we go to the lagoon and lay out all day to tan.

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I am swallowing book after book on this trip, and having a whole day of laying out and reading seems like a luxury to me at this point. For me, it’s an early night, since waking up early and having no naps during the day is messing up my sleeping cycle. I get tired by 8 o’clock! Also, the goon has gotten to me, and I start throwing up violently, just like I would do at home. I guess even my body’s starting to feel right at home here in Australia.

The next day is an exciting one: it’s time for a day tour to the Whitsundays! We go with Big Fury, whose guide, Grant, is such a star. We are taken to a snorkeling area, and Sharon, who is afraid of the ocean, joins us! I am so proud of her.

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After that, we go to Whitehaven Beach, where we have an amazing lunch, followed by a trip to a lookout, before playing in the crystal clear water and laying on the white silica sand. This is the most amazing beach I have ever been to!

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When we get back to Airlie, we decide to make dinner an easy one, so we buy boxed red wine, crackers and 4 different cheeses. Gotta stay classy on the road, peeps. After a dairy overload, I am drunk on half a glass of red wine, and Sharon ties the ends of my leggings together so well, that no one can undo the knot. So I pull off my leggings halfway, and just sit in my long sweater and underpants, drinking wine until I decide I need to sleep. Again.

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We all decide that Airlie Beach could be home for us; it’s small and cozy, but has a lot of opportunities. We can’t stay in one place just yet though, so on to our next destination!

Roadtrippin’

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Gladstone, Rockhampton, St. Lawrence and Mackay, Australia: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Roadtripping isn’t too bad. Of all the places I’ve been, Australia is one of the prettiest. We have sun in our faces and wind in our hair, my feet are up and great music is pumping out through the speakers. We stop in little towns for lunch, and keep driving until the sun goes down. We enjoy the road signs with trivia questions to keep drivers awake. There’s roadkill every few kilometers. Roadtripping really isn’t too bad.

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When we stop in Gladstone for the night, I direct us to a camp site through my WikiCamps app. It has great reviews, mainly about the owner being so interesting. Craig and I are driving Princess Rosie, Nick and Sharon are driving the Hippie Camper that Nick rented in Brisbane. Since there’s no place to pull over to run into the office and check in, we just drive up to a spot and park, and check the tires, which have been making strange noises for a while, before heading to reception. An old man on a bike stops us before we even head to the office to ask us what we’re doing, and not in a polite way. After a long talking to, he kicks us out, because apparently he is the owner and we have “no fucking idea how this country works”, as he puts it. We apologise profusely, telling him we did intend to pay, but we just didn’t know where to park. We leave, shaken and upset, but we find another camp site that lets us park two vans in one spot.

At this point, I am kind of miserable. Not only was I just yelled at, I am also having a shit time as soon as I leave the car. Every single time. Truth is, and I am not trying to put anyone on the spot or be mean, but me and our new travel “buddy” don’t get along very well, and I kind of just have to accept that he’s there, every single day, and I have no say in this. Sharon spends all her time in his van, making it slightly more comfortable for everyone because of the lack of room in the vans, but I hardly see her anymore. Since everyone keeps changing their minds about our route, trying to make us stay longer in little towns with nothing to do to “break up the trip”, I will have to endure this even longer than I want to. He is going all the way to Cairns with us. So I sit there, not eating because my mouth hurts (which is a different story), thinking of just getting on the next Greyhound bus and doing the whole East Coast alone from now on. I don’t say a word for hours, and then I go to bed, way earlier than everyone else, as usual.

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When we wake up, we have some breakfast and wash the car a bit, and then we’re off again. We stop in Rockhampton for lunch, where I have a salad of all things, and my mouth still hurts too much to enjoy food. Since Mackay is too far away, we stop in St. Lawrence for the night, at a free camp site called St. Lawrence Recreational Reserve, that looks like an abandoned horse ranch. We arrive as the sun is setting, and after enjoying our view, we have dinner and goon, and Craig and I giggly recreate the music video to Sia’s Elastic Heart.

The next morning, I take my first shower in four days. As gorgeous as this place is, we need to head to Mackay, which will be our last stop before Airlie Beach. I intended it to be one day’s trip from Rainbow Beach to Airlie Beach, but obviously I wouldn’t want Craig to wear himself out. Mackay looks like a Californian town in the 1950’s with palm trees and retro signs. We stay in the parking lot at Far Beach, which is a long beach with a park area in front of it. It’s quite perfect, except toilets are half a kilometer away. The group has decided that we will stay for two nights. The first night, we have salmon and steak and salad for dinner with some goon (of course). The next day, I lay out by the beach, reading and finishing a book, and we try to wash our hair under a little water tab. At night, we eat pasta Bolognese and have more goon. We do more weird dancing, and basically look like we’re tripping on acid. Two locals, a guy and a girl, join us, but I don’t pay them much attention, as I am heading to the beach to get some air before going to sleep.

Since Rainbow Beach, I have been sleeping in the front seat. It makes me feel less uncomfortable and claustrophobic for some reason. Sharon sees my feet hanging out of the window early in the morning and walks up to me. She’s really worried, because Nick didn’t come home last night. We eventually find him sitting on a bench with the girl from last night, which pisses Sharon off a bit. We decide to go for a walk and find the toilets, and when we come back, Craig is still asleep and Nick has brought the girl into his van. Sharon and I just sit around on the grass, when a dog jumps out of his owner’s car and approaches us. His owner, Richard from Adelaide, chats us up and makes us coffee. He saw us the night before, thinking that Craig and I were on acid. He is such a star, asking about our trip, the vans, the guys and everything in between. He’s even been to Aarhus and knows some Danish! We end up staying in Mackay, just talking to Richard and his dog for way too long, but eventually, we get back on the road. Rosie is making noises that worry us, but she seems fine. We eventually realize that Nick and Sharon aren’t following us anymore – we have been in front on this whole trip, with me navigating on my phone. Sharon texts me to say that Nick needs to sleep, since he stayed up all night with the girl, otherwise he might crash the van. See what I’m dealing with?

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We have some trouble with Rosie every now and then.She needs to change tyres, the motor makes some odd noises that could easily be adjusted by a mechanic (which none of us are), but other than that, she drives smoothly on the A1 led by Craig, while I DJ ang navigate. We stop to see waterfalls and I play a game of taking pictures of all of the signs we pass.

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When all has been said and done, roadtripping could be a lot worse.