Happy birthday, Scara

Since Sara has that scratch under her eye from the night before, I am calling her Scara. You know, like Scar from The Lion King?

Except for the fact that she keeps mentioning the scratches and the fact that it all happened on her birthday, she is in fairly good spirits. I try to make her feel better by taking her to MBK, where we have some food and I buy us a VIP ticket to The Amazing Spiderman 2 (which is pretty crappy, despite having Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone in it)

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Free welcome drink in the VIP lounge

I thought I was a mall person. That was until today. If I wasn’t here with Sara, I would sit down on the floor and sob until someone carries me out of this textile hell. We actually manage to get lost more than once in this friggin country of a mall, and at one point I have to ask the Information desk how I get out of there. Some things can actually be too big.

We get back to our hostel, Born Free, and spontaniously book a flight to Chiang Mai. Then we head to We ❤️ Bangkok hostel to get a few beers with Kirstin. We end up at the Patpong night market, and we see a ping pong show with ping pong balls – finally! The girl hits me in the face with one, so ratchet. Another one writes this message with a sharpie shoved up her special place:

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There is no entrance fee at the ping pong show, but buying at least one drink per person is required – and they are all 200 baht. I go to pay for my drink at the bar, but I am met by an old, big and moody thai woman, who wants me to pay over 5000 baht for three drinks, a show and an extra show. I refuse, telling her I am only paying for the drink I agreed to pay for, and I hand her two 100 baht bills. She doesn’t accept them, now shouting at me to pay for Kirstin and Sara as well, a total of 600 baht. I put my money back in my purse and try to walk away, when she jumps in front of me and gets aggressive. The girls approach me to see what’s going on, and a small discussion starts. The girls each hand over 200 baht, and I do as well with a big sigh. This pushes the lady over the edge, and she starts to scream and shove me, and we hurry out. We walk back to Kirstin’s hostel, before we say goodbye and take a taxi back to Born Free.

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It’s sad to say goodbye. Two weeks ago, I went up to this girl painting the palms of her hands with flourescent paint and said, “this is a strange request, but can you do a handprint on my butt?”
It was love at first indecent proposal.
Two weeks and two pubcrawls, one hilarious bikini wax in Koh Tao, and countless balloons and toasties later, it’s goodbye… for now. Ratches ass hoes drunk in love 4evah <3

Barfight in Bangkok

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It’s official: leggings are not pants. I learn that the hard way, standing outside The Grand Palace, hoping to get some pictures with my fancy DSLR without having to pay the entrance fee. Not wanting to put in a 200 baht deposit for cover-up, when I’m not going to pay the entrance fee, I have to leave, disappointed by my lack of pants and willingness to be a proper tourist. I’ll have to do a rain check on the whole meeting the King and planning our joint birthday party.

Dizzy from a few ballons and rough dancing on Khao San Road the night before, we head towards the pier through the street markets. One of the markets, the Tatien market, is the most stinking and disgusting market I’ve ever seen. Everything is fish scales and rotten stuff. Yikes.

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We take a boat to Wat Arun, or Temple of Dawn, but once again, none of us want to pay entrance. I am getting increasingly upset about half-assing and rushing it, rather than enjoying it.

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At least we took one of these photos at Wat Arun, and then a lady came running and wanted 40 baht from us

Our next, and unfortunately final stop, is Wat Pho, wherein you can see the Reclining Buddha.

20140430-132432.jpgIt’s impossible taking pictures with Buddha, gosh…

20140430-132503.jpg…Except I got all 43 m of him squeezed in on this photo

Then we take a Skytrain from MBK to Terminal 21. It’s a massive shopping mall, where every floor is a famous big city, like Paris, Tokyo and San Fransisco. Pretty cool, actually. We have fish and chips on Henry’s insistence, and take a look at all the pretty things we can’t buy.

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Kirstin really likes this handbag

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At night, we do some shopping on Khao San Road, before grabbing some drinks and a hookah at a bar. Here, we meet a group of people from England, and together we go to a smaller bar with great music, so we can dance.

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Hours and hours later, we end up in a nightclub with expensive drinks and horrible music. Here, we meet guy X, who like Sara is celebrating his birthday that night. As they start talking, a girl goes between them and starts making out with X. According to Sara, he asks her to shake this girl off, so she keeps talking to him, and suddenly there is punching and hair pulling on the dancefloor. Sara is gone, and I confront the girl I think is to blame, but she points at her friend, who is the real culprit. Some friend, hey? I tell her – in an angry tone obviously – that she can’t punch people, and our discussion is brief, as she throws an ice cube at my eye, and I am being pushed away from her by three other people as I try to regain my sight. Suddenly, she is standing right in front of me, her back turned to me, and I punch her. In the head, with my fist. I have never hit anyone before, and I probably don’t do it rihgt, but I hit a girl while she isn’t looking, and I run away. I am a coward. As I try to find Sara and Kirstin, I see the girl and her friends pulling at Kirstin’s hair. We separate them and get them kicked out, but soon after the security guard kicks us out too, since the girls outside keep complaining. I am livid and not in the mood for more partying, so I am in bed by 3.30. On my way home, I see the girls we have been fighting at McDonald’s, so my midnight snack plans are ruined and I just head straight to the hostel. Less than an hour later, Sara comes into the room, covered in scratches and crying. The girls have attacked her while she was on her way home. And they stole her cheesesburger. Those bastards. The next day, she has a vertical red line under her eye, and Kirstin has a black eye (she punched the girls back though, I should add).

All in all, succesful night, I guess.

That one time I went to Burma

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It’s that time of the month – time for a visa run, I mean. An 11 hour journey to Burma and back to the mainland for about 1200 baht. Sara and I get the night ferry from the pier to Chumpon, then a mini bus that is freezing cold to Ranong, where we go through a series of immiagration stuff like filling out forms and so on. Then we hop on a small boat to Burma. 5 minutes after I get on, I realise I have forgotten my fanny pack with my cellphone and credit card back at the immigration office, and I have to jump off the boat on to several other tiny boats and nearly fall into the water (OK, maybe not, but it sure feels that way), so I can run back to retrieve it. Thank God it’s still there!

We sail to Kawthaung, where we spend less than 15 minutes getting stamps in our passports and walking around. On the pier, we see lots of monks just hanging out. It looks really beautiful there, and I would love to explore more of Burma someday.

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After sailing back to Ranong and going through immigration yet again, we get on the freezing minibus to Chumpon. Once there, we check into Salsa Hostel, where Kirstin and Henry (roommate at Jizo’s) are staying. We end up having pizza, beers and a Hunger Games marathon at night.

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Next morning, after a great complimentary breakfast, we take a VIP bus to Bangkok, and get free food and drinks. Love it!

Koh Tao

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Blogging is hard when you’re bored, and hard when you’re busy living life. People who read my last post, might have noticed that I have been half-assing it lately, and it’s been a combination of boredom and being busy. Until I went to Koh Tao.

As I get off the ferry, I have to find my hostel, Jizo’s, which James told me would be like a 3 minute drive away. I decide I didn’t want to pay for a taxi then, and start walking.

30 minutes later, I have carried all my luggage up a long, steep road, and still no sign of a hostel – or civilisation. I ask every person I see for directions, and locals will tell me the hostel is 100 meters away no matter where I am, and taxi drivers will say “very far – 200 baht”. Who to believe? In the end, I see a 7-11 and go in to ask for direction, when a Thai guy offers to give me a ride on his scooter. He is my hero.

I check in to my hostel, go for a walk on the beach, and end up meeting Kirstin and then John for a few drinks and buckets. It has turned my day around completely.

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I’ve got a bucket, got a bucket full of sunshine

I meet Dylan, who is doing a diving course with Kirstin, and we all go out to dinner together. I’ve decided against doing a diving course, as I don’t even like deep waters that much. As we are eating dinner at this restaurant facing the beach, we see local women walking around, trying to sell massive paper lanterns. We decide to buy one together, which we send up in the air, racing the other people. We win, of course.

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We do some ballons, watch a fire show on the beach, try fire limbo(!) and then pass out. Before that, John decides to try to jump over the fire limbo pole instead of going under it, so he gets a massive burn on his stomach, and I drag him to the pharmacy, and a bunch of drunk Danish guys throw iodine on his wound and tell me to stop being such a mom.

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The next day John is leaving us (sad face), and I move into Kirstins bungalow for free(!). During the day, she does her diving course and I sleep or go sit at the nearby resaturant and enjoy the Wi-Fi. At night, we just drink on the beach with Dylan and Patrick, who’s also doing the diving course with Kirstin.

When her course is done, we need to find a new place to stay, so we go back to Jizo’s. I even get the same bed as the one I was in when I arrived on this island! F6 rules. Slowly but surely, Kirstin and I are the only girls in our 10 bed room, and we have a blast with our room mates.

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We end up doing the Koh Tao pubcrawl twice, both times going as Jenna and Talia (sounds like genitalia, get it?). We check out the draq queen show which has just re-opened and we are amazed by how awesome it is. We are practically screaming and giving standing ovations during the entire show, both times. We are like the most excited people on the island.

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The rest is pretty much a blur, but we did get to enjoy the beautiful beach, take a night trip to High Bar, where we sat on top of a small mountain, smoking weed, snorkel by Shark Island, eaten street food (pad thai) three times a day and lots of other things. I love Koh Tao.

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Thonsala

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Mandatory butt shot

In Thonsala, we’re staying at Beach Village Resort. It has a pool and a nightclub and it’s actually very nice – if you’re into that kind of thing. I personally don’t like lounging by the pool or on the beach for more than 20 minutes.

20140419-114707.jpgThe beach looks killer, though

3 minutes from the resort, there is a massive supermarket called The Big C. LOL. Inside, they have a food court, clothes, and a Dunkin’ Donuts. So much for my diet. We go there several times a day, and I’ll eat a noodle duck soup and we’ll buy some beers.

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It’s as if nothing ever happens here. My days are long, but I can’t recall doing anything. We go to the beach, drink beers and pretend to be zombies to scare John. He’s such a virgin. Kirstin and I try to go exploring a bit, and end up at a food market amongst other things, but Thonsala doesn’t have much to offer compared to Haad Rin.

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On our second day, Kirstin and I do shopping and take pictures wearing her taco outfit. We then do our madnatory butt photo and walk around to explore the beach, when we meet a family consisting of a young-ish couple and their baby. The woman is sitting on the sand, topless, posing seductively for the camera her partner is holding. It’s kinda awkward doing that in front of your kid. At night, we do a barbecue on the beach. We have corn, red snapper and chicken. It’s quite the disappointment, even though it sounds like heaven (right?).

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Kirstin and John go to Koh Tao, while I stay here for an extra night with Aylin, James and Sara. I was going to come with them, but could tell that wasn’t gonna fly with Sara, so I stay. I do nothing at all the day they leave us, but at night we go to a hotpan buffet. All you can eat for 160 baht. It reminds me a bit of New Years Eve with my parents back in the day, but with better food.

20140419-204347.jpgYou fry the meat on top, and boil the vegetables around the edges. When you’re done, the water has turned into an awesome soup! I definitely recommend this.