A look back on (at least) 14 hangovers

hfdihdf2014 has come and gone quickly. Just this time last year, I was preparing for my final exam and packing up my things to put in storage. I was daydreaming of colourful sarees, paradise beaches and freedom. Now, a year later, I am doing almost exactly the same. I have booked a flight to Cambodia early next year, and have been granted a Working Holiday Visa for Australia. I am excited, nervous and poor. I still have a lot of planning and purchasing to do before I’m ready for departure.

As everyone sits down to reflect on their year (usually with that stupid Facebook feature), I’ve created a list (yes, another list) of some accomplishments/experiences that I found worthy of sharing with someone. I clearly live an exciting life.

THIS YEAR I

  • Visited 10 countries (if you count Burma)
  • Was (only) reported for pornography on Facebook twice

Home

  • Made this website
  • Ate bull’s testicles (read here)
  • Tried mead, the drink of Vikings
  • Got really fat. Again.
  • Read 4 books in one week, because I am bored and unemployed

novaTOURient

  • Rode a camel and ripped my pants (read here)
  • Danced on stage in front of the entire city of Udaipur (read here)
  • Was kinda sexually assaulted by a group of men and managed to laugh at it (read here)
  • Threw colors at people (read here)
  • Motorboated a lady boy (read here)
  • Danced on stage at a stripclub (read here)
  • Ran away from my friends during a pubcrawl to look for 7-11 toasties
  • Lived on pad thai and banana lassis for almost a week
  • Rode an elephant and almost passed out while sitting on it (read here)
  • Was hit by a tiger’s tail (read here)
  • Had my name written by a vagina on a piece of paper (read here)
  • Got into my first fight (read here)
  • Rode a scooter for the first time and cried about it (read here)
  • Fell off a scooter. Twice.
  • Puked on myself and could do nothing about it for 12 hours (read here)
  • Donated blood at a children’s hospital (read here)
  • Became addicted to laughing gas (read here)
  • Ziplined (read here)

The Pink Palace 

  • Peed on a door on Aga’s birthday
  • Bought an inflatable crocodile, just so I could say “Is it your crocodile?” (watch Chris D’elia’s drunk girls parody around 2:11)
  • Pretty much quoted all of Chris D’elia’s jokes all summer
  • Crashed at a friend’s room, and did “the walk of shame” with a strap-on in one hand, the crocodile in the other
  • Was hit on by a straight man and a lesbian at once, and ended up going to bed to cuddle with the crocodile instead
  • Made the summer a bit too much about my crocodile
  • Got so drunk off mimosas during a breakfast shift, that I ended up staying at the bar DJ’ing most of the day instead of working
  • Drank retsina on the beach bar roof and saw shooting stars
  • Sat next to a foul smelling dog and talked about it for an hour
  • Pretended to be American and was busted several times by a group of Danish girls that had been there last year. And I still denied it.
  • Dressed up as a pirate for the booze cruise
  • Was forced to do my first body shot on the booze cruise. Wasn’t happy about it.
  • Did a 12 people, 3 AM ouzo circle that was absolute shit and amazing
  • Sexually harassed a shy co-worker for fun
  • Yelled at a family at dinner
  • Had a cake fight on Aga’s birthday
  • Forced myself to accept #CTMO
  • Planned a Full Moon Party that was so fun, our boss made us have as many Moon parties as possible
  • Got tons of free ice creams and compliments from Dr. George
  • Went to Jumbo like every week
  • Fell on my face all the time
  • Pretty much only drank champagne from the bottle and blacked out everytime
  • Sold an overwhelming amount of blowjob shots. To guys.
  • Dyed my hair pink
  • Danced to Martin Garrix – Animals every morning
  • Drank mimosas almost every morning, too
  • Pretended to be 17 and related to a guy from Chile

Oktoberfest

  • Had my hands full of beer steins
  • Was served breakfast, which was really just beer, through a funnel
  • Stole a pretzel for Hollie from the guys sitting next to us at one of the beer tents
  • Watched a drunk Asian woman try to run away from the medics
  • Bought myself a unicorn
  • Cuddled with Aga and Hollie to keep warm, while Aga was puking
  • Tried to watch The Other Woman three times, but kept falling asleep

I’ll end this post and this year with some of my favorite photos, just to prove I haven’t just been on the couch these past 365 days.

IMG_0641-2 IMG_6501.JPG

1969387_10202545963905199_8458924451763258544_n

IMG_0107 IMG_0234-2 IMG_9674 IMG_019320140510-072052.jpg 20140419-115015.jpg 20140415-163742.jpg

10670092_10203495629206238_7568117080501370334_n
E (72)
I (39) B (52) D (4) F (11) 016 IMG_2312 IMG_2332 IMG_2388 IMG_2650 IMG_3142 IMG_3483 IMG_5194 erjier

Happy New Year! 2015, come at me.

Welcome to the new blog!

I finally made the switch from free WordPress blog at www.wanderlouise.wordpress.com to this one that definitely needs more work. And I am loving it! Just yesterday I spent 9 hours fixing things up. I hope you like it as much as I do. Unfortunately, since I’ve made the move, I’ve lost my subscribers. If you want to follow my blog, you can either do it on the top of the sidebar to the right, or click right here:

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Thank you!

22 things: the conclusion

Today is my 23rd birthday. This marks the end of my 22 things list, and of course I didn’t even make it to 20. I will cry into my cake later. Just kidding, I already ate it.

So, my birthday started with a night out. I asked out a few of my former colleagues, and we ended up getting pretty drunk, as it was Tequila Thursday, a very honoured tradition by Nanna and me. Nanna and Mikkel were not only nice enough to come out with me, they even bought me a super considerate present:

IMG_6154.JPG

That’s right, stickers and a giant brown dildo. We tried out a few names, so I’m not sure if it’s Bruno Mars of Chocolate Bent. I might do a poll later. Well, at least I didn’t go home completely alone. EDIT: He now goes by the name Spank Ocean.

IMG_6159.JPGIMG_6155.JPG

I was clearly very excited about my present, just as much as every guy around me. I swear to God this giant Twix bar was only in my possession for 1/3 of the night. This takes me back to the days at The Pink Palace with Aga’s strap-on. Guys will always act disgusted when they first see a giant dildo, but after a few minutes, they’re all about waving it in the air and trying to see if they can stick it to an unlikely surface.

I was home at 2 at night and I started feeling sick. I woke up, hugging 3 full water bottles, because I kept getting up at night to get something to drink, would take one sip and take it to bed with me. I am not very smart when I am drunk.

I took a shower, went out to buy food, watched some Geordie Shore and then went out shopping, where I randomly bumped into some friends. Then my mom picked me up and we went back to her place, where I cooked for my mom’s side of the family. I had a great time, although I was still dealing with nausea and stomach cramps.

IMG_6179.JPG
Cake <3

Back to the list. If you don’t remember, or have never heard of it before, here it is, with the achieved goals crossed out:

22-1

I decided to compile all the photos into one collage, so you can get a feeling of what I’ve been doing with my life the past year. Pretty good stuff.IMG_6126.JPG

 

50 Signs You’re A Backpacker In South East Asia

#WanderlustWednesday

I just stumbled upon this fun list: link

It’s basically about the South East Asia backpacking experience, and it definitely took me back! Oh, how I miss the sweet pineapple, cheap pad thai, cute children waving and proudly saying the only English word they know, which is “HELLO“, and my friggin awesome tan. Seriously, I was like a golden Buddha. Well, I decided to share the list with you, along with some super important comments from yours truly.

50 Signs you’re a backpacker in South East Asia

1. You have a flip-flop tan.
Well, duh.

IMG_0193
This is technically a hiking sandal tan line, but I didn’t take that many pictures of my feet, okay?

2. You’ve been through at least five pairs of genuine fake Ray Bans.
True dat. I just broke my last pair of fakes, and it’s making me miss Thailand. All the fake Ray Bans back home don’t fit me at all.

3. You’ve been through a similar number of fake Beats headphones and Havaianas flip flops (thongs, jandals, sandals).
Beach parties are the worst, ’cause you always lose your flip flops, and the next day you will have to pay way too much at the first shop you see, because you can’t stand to walk barefoot in this heat anymore.

4. Shoes have become less and less compulsory to you.
You’re not even allowed to wear shoes most places, so all you need is a pair of flip flops for crossing the street. Hot concrete = ouch.

5. You have a strong inkling towards getting, or already have got, a travel tattoo and/or piercing.
I decided against this. In India, I felt a strong urge to have my nose repierced, seeing these women with impressive golden studs. In Koh Phi Phi there were tattoo shops everywhere I looked, but I wasn’t too sure about the quality and hygiene.

6. It’s really exciting to you that the harem pants fad is catching on back at home because then you never have to stop wearing your Southeast Asia garb.
Who cares, I wear my harem pants with pride! They got me through a month of the Indian heat and modest dress culture. Unfortunately, I had to throw one of my pairs out, after I threw up on them on a 12-hour bus ride. Yikes.IMG_9604

7. You have more or less forgotten about the existence of eyeliner and concealer.
NEVEEEERRRR! I live on those.

8. The mere concept of a blow dryer and curling iron have become laughable.
With that humidity, your hair’s always gonna be wet anyway.

9. You either already have or are suddenly inexplicably amenable to the idea of dread locks.
Nope, not at all.

10. You can be very easily persuaded to spend 75 cents on a fruit shake.
Fruit lassis <3

11. You cannot be very easily persuaded to part with more than $3 for a beer.
It’s all about Kingfisher, Chang, Beerlao and Angkor Beer.

12. You know how to say “hello,” and, “thank you,” in about five different Southeast Asian languages.
I forgot most of these, so I had to look them up, and now it’s all coming back to me.
Indian: Namaste, śukriyā
Thai: Sawasdee Krab (male)/Ka (female), Kob kun Krab (male)/Ka (female)
Lao: Sa-bai-Dee, Kaup Chai (like a cup of chai, get it? haha)
Vietnamese: Xin chào (sin chow), Cám ơn (Gahm uhn, almost sounds like come on)
Khmer (Cambodia): Jum-reap Soo-a, Or-koon

13. You may also have figured out how to say “beer.”
A Vietnamese chef taught me how to say “two more beers, please”, but I totally forgot. He would be so disappointed.

14. You arrange your plans around the next full moon.
Of course!

15. There’s still neon paint stuck to your Megan Fox tank top from the last one.
Just on my Full Moon Party shirt, but alright, I’ll take it.

16. It’s okay because you totally have more than one Megan Fox tank top.
I actually don’t have a single one!

17. “Bucket,” suddenly has one meaning, and one meaning only: one-beverage inducer of black outs.

IMG_0732

18. You no longer find monkeys to be cute or even tolerable.
After the monkey temple in India, I am actually sort of scared of monkeys. The little ones are still cute, though.

19. You’ve become an expert at sitting on chairs and stools that hover mere centimeters off the ground.

20. You’ve become some kind of an expert at communicating with your hands and facial expressions.
Did I ever really become an expert? 

21. Your daily routine involves a morning ritual of DEETing from the feet up.
Totally.

22. Instead of seeking out mirrors, you slink by, trying not to look at the dirty vagabond you’ve become.

23. You’re totally going to learn how to play guitar.
Nope. I wish.

24. You’re totally going to take up fire dancing.
Kirstin and I were veerrry impressed by the firedancers in Koh Tao, and wished we could do the same.

25. You’re positively giddy if you find a bathroom with a western toilet, toilet paper, AND soap inside.
OH MY STARS, SWEET JESUS, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS LUXURY!?

26. That said, you’ve mastered the required movements for the squat toilet. Out of necessity.
Meh, not in harem pants, at least.

27. Hot water is no longer a strict requirement for your showers.
You can say that again, sista.

28. Neither is shampoo.

29. …and sometimes neither is soap.

30. You’ve tried (and later regretted) some kind of rice liquor.

31. Someone, at some time, has taken you for a ride on a tuk tuk or taxi, and you’ve overpaid like crazy for it.
Too often, really.

32. You’ve eaten street food you never would have considered previously.
I didn’t go too crazy with the street food, although that would probably have been fun. Yum, spider!

33. You can’t believe how delicious it was and how much you want to eat it again.

34. You’re seriously considering taking up a teaching job so that you can stay.
I was considering taking a job at the school in Koh Tao, but I passed it while walking from the pier to the hostel, and there was nothing in this world that could make me return to that area after that walk.

35. Your bamboo bungalow doesn’t even have proper walls, yet it makes you happy.
It didn’t, ’cause there was a huge spider hiding in there.

36. You can totally go, like, three whole days without Wi-Fi.
True.

37. Yet once you find it again you’ll be glued to your phone, even if it does take an hour of painstaking refreshing to finally load a single Facebook message.
Wi-Fi time is sacred time! Some people would sit in a corner and try to stream the latest episode of Game Of Thrones, while I caught up with my friends back home.

38. You keep reassuring your family that you’ll buy your plane ticket home, “tomorrow,” which never seems to arrive.

39. Yes, fried rice IS a food group.
I miss fried rice everyday.

40. You are the Jenga-freaking-master of the universe.
I actually only played Jenga once.

41. You’ve, like, wholly tapped into your spiritual side.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. No.

42. All you need are good vibes, good people, and a daily dose of Ujjayi breathing.
What the hell is Ujjayi breathing? Other than that, I’m totally with you on that.

43. Lotus flowers are so thoroughly inspiring.
I was all about the Frangi Panis.

IMG_2405

44. You’ve become all willy-nilly with your passport.

45. The random hostel guy has kept it overnight.

46. So has the visa service guy who took it to the capital for you when you didn’t feel like leaving the beach.

47. You’re used to eating really, really well for very, very little money.
If fried rice, veggie burgers, pad thai and fruit lassis are considered healthy, then yes.

48. You don’t even really need electricity.
Some light so I can at least read a book at night would be nice.

49. You now have friends from all over the world.
Or mainly Canada.

50. You have the painful task of leaving a piece of your heart in the coolest part of the world, ever.
Em yêu và nhớ anh, South East Asia! (someone said it means “I love and miss you”)

Balls and Blackouts in Copenhagen

Now, as much as I enjoy doing nothing all day, I decided I needed a vacation. I was offered such an opportunity when Shank, a friend from The Pink Palace, decided to visit Copenhagen for a few days. This post is not for the easily offended, because Shank’s face is in it a lot. In fact, his face is the only thing in this post, besides a lot of words.

Copenhagen is a 3-hour train ride from Horsens, and I had everything perfectly timed, so that we would both arrive at the Central Station at the same time. Less than fifteen minutes after getting on the train, I am informed the passengers have to switch trains. That’s super annoying and all, since I paid extra to reserve a seat. We switch trains while complaining and small talking a bit, but the train decides it isn’t going anywhere for the next 30 minutes. In the end, I arrive a full 60 minutes later than expected. I’m not too upset though, since Shank is waiting with a beer for me – after I find him, ‘cause I walk straight up to a guy at McDonald’s that looks just like him, only to realize it’s not him seconds before it’s too late.

We stay at Generator Hostel, which is 3 km away from the train station – and we decide to just walk there. The weather’s really nice for a November evening. Of course we take the longest time getting to our hostel – even with GPS. It’s a really cool place with a huge common area, a bar and a TV area. We meet our roommates from Australia, who are super nice and very cool about what happens later on. I’ll get to that.

As soon as we’ve dropped our bags and talked to our roommates a bit, we go out to find food and end up at a Danish restaurant. Now, as much as I failed to show Shank around, I won when it came to getting him Danish food. We get meatballs and fried fish and remoulade and gravy and potatoes and…. Alright, we have the most Danish meal ever. We head back to the hostel and hang out at the bar, which is slowly filling up. Shank does the worst thing you can possibly do here: buy 10 shots of Fisk. Also, two large beers. We play some Foosball and force down the shots, go out for a few cigarette breaks and decide to go to bed, ‘cause we’re definitely feeling like taking it easy tonight.

IMG_5927.JPG

And that is the last thing I really remember. We’ve spent hours trying to piece together flashbacks from that night, and I think we decided on this story:

A girl in a striped shirt was looking at Shank most of the night, which he pointed out to me. As I got drunker, I offered to go talk to her, but he was just feeling like going to bed. When we were done with our drinks (I think there were a few Jägerbombs and other dangerous things involved), we decided to head up to the room, but we ran into Girl In Striped Shirt and her friends on the way and I guess I started chatting them up. We ended up joining their table and drinking more – judging from the apps I had opened, I tried to pay one of them. Probably for drinks, but who knows. Shank might have made out with Girl In Striped Shirt, and I might have aggressively hit on a guy, and might have gotten rejected, but I don’t remember any of that. I went to bed early, probably around 11.

Now, according to our roommates, I came into the room and tried to get to the top bunk, which I had claimed earlier. It didn’t go too well, but I managed, and as soon as I laid down, I had to throw up. Getting down from the bed was just as hilarious to watch, and I threw up several times, both in the toilet, and in the showerroom. I obviously don’t remember that. I do remember that I passed out in Shank’s bed, as I couldn’t keep climbing up and down, and he hadn’t gotten back from the bar yet.

So I wake up at 7 in the morning, when Shank climbs down from the top bunk (he snuck in God knows when and took my bed since I was passed out in his) and loudly says something like “Ew, I just stepped in your vomit!” And yes, in my drunken state I had just turned my head and started throwing up, thus getting it all over the side of the bed and the floor. Even my shirt had throw-up on it. Our roommates tell us the story of how I got back – a mystery, since I never learned to master the maze that is the hallway that leads to the room – and after a lot of apologies, a shower and complaints about feeling shitty, we go out to find breakfast. We randomly end up at Nyhavn and eat breakfast – or, Shank kinda eats for both of us, since I can’t keep anything down.

IMG_5930.JPG
Nyhavn

After getting some food in our systems, we head to Christiania. It’s a Freetown that is known for its (totally illegal) use of cannabis, amongst other things. It’s a big tourist attraction, and I have never been there before, so it’s about time. Photography isn’t allowed, but I’ll paint you a picture: worn-down buildings decorated with colorful graffiti, tiny shops where you can buy everything with has Bob Marley on it, and of course, a lot of hippies. Also, it really smells like weed there.

We walk around a little bit, and then we sit down and share a Sandwich – How I Met Your Mother reference. It makes us feel a lot better, also super tired, so we get the metro back to the hostel and pass out in our room – and it’s not even noon!

At about 5 we wake up and slowly start feeling normal. We have some beer and some fresh air, as we spend the better part of an hour trying to find Restaurant BROR, which is a pretty nice restaurant close to city center. All the waiters speak English, and the dishes has something either gross-sounding or unfamiliar in it. You get a 4 course menu with some wine, and no one knows what the meals are going to be. Our menu was an app (I will use a Parks and Recreation reference to describe food courses) with fish and celery, then another app with beets and tomatoes (sooo good!), then a trey-trey with chicken, and lastly, the zert was apple crumble with rosemary ice cream. On top of that, we had bread with bone marrow smoked butter (WTF, but soo good), a cheese platter, chicken liver, and yes, BULL’S BALLS. It was cut in slices and breaded and fried, and tasted a bit like a chicken nugget, but as soon as I put it in my mouth, I remembered what it was, and felt a bit disgusted. Shank has been on a mission for like a year to try bull’s balls, so he was pretty excited about eating it. I have really weird friends.

IMG_5940.JPG
Bull nuggets in the bottom right corner

We had some amazing wine though, and because the waiter forgot to bring us wine for all the courses, we got it for free – yay! The bill ended up being like half the price of what I thought it’d be, so we were pretty stoked about that. Also, one of the male waiters was so smoking, I would have eaten him instead. Would probably have been cheaper too.

Since it’s a Sunday, everyone is watching a movie instead of hanging out at the bar, so we have a pretty quiet night. We have a beer, and the bartender pours us a free shot because we’re the only ones hanging out at the bar. We go outside for a cigarette and then call it a night.

The next day, we check out and say goodbye to our roommates. We lock up our luggage at the train station, and go for a walk on the main street, where we’re almost run over by a truck. We buy Danish pastry at a bakery, and as soon as we finish that, we find an American burger joint called MAD that brews its own beer – we had planned to go to a brewery at least once, but failed, and ended up at this place instead. Burgers and beers are always delicious, even before noon. We realize we need to hurry up to catch our trains, especially me, since my train only leaves once an hour. Luckily, we manage to get back to the station, get our luggage and then jump on our separate trains. In my opinion, the weekend has been a success. I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with my friend, and having some fun. I would say this vacation of doing nothing has prepared me to go back home and do nothing again.

IMG_5943.JPG
Shank with Danish pastry